Recently I was reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle (9 of diamonds, 4 of diamonds) and it showed me something that really helped me understand people better.
If you wonder why you or others in your life choose abusive relationships over and over again, Tolle has a theory about this.
He writes, “I know the word choose is a favorite new age term, but it isn’t entirely accurate in this context. It is misleading to say that someone “chose” a dysfunctional relationship or any other negative situation in their life. Choice implies consciousness – a high degree of consciousness. Without it, you have no choice. Choice begins the moment you disidentify from the mind and its conditioned patterns, the moment you become present. Until you reach that point, you are unconscious, spiritually speaking.
And it’s not about intelligence. Some of the most intelligent people are the most caught up in their minds, and the most unhappy.
The mind is conditioned by the past to always seek to recreate what it knows and is familiar with. Even if it is painful, at least it is familiar. The mind always adheres to the known. The unknown is dangerous because it has no control over it.
Her pain-body, a mental-emotional pattern from the past is choosing this situation, but it is not her. It is an unconscious aspect that needs to feed on pain.
There is an unseen force that causes us to unconsciously seek pain over and over again. It’s called the pain body.
What is the pain body?
The pain body is a ‘psychic parasite’ that possesses you and causes you suffering.
It’s the sad angry world you go into when you’re triggered by something in your environment. In most people the pain body is dormant for some time and then awakens to assert itself and replenish its energies. And it derives its energy from pain. Pain is its food. So if you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why did I pick a fight with that person?” or “Why am I never happy with seemingly good situations?” it could be because your pain body is awake and wants to feed and creates a negative situation.
“The pain-body wants to survive, just like every other entity in existence, and it can only survive if it gets you to unconsciously identify with it. It can then rise up, take you over, “become you,” and live through you. It needs to get its “food” through you. It will feed on any experience that resonates with its own kind of energy, anything that creates further pain in whatever form: anger, destructiveness, hatred, grief, emotional drama, violence, and even illness. So the pain-body, when it has taken you over, will create a situation in your life that reflects back its own energy frequency for it to feed on. Pain can only feed on pain. Pain cannot feed on joy. It finds it quite indigestible.” -Eckhart Tolle
In The Power of Now, Tolle writes:
“Nobody chooses dysfunction, conflict, pain. Nobody chooses insanity. They happen because there is not enough presence in you to dissolve the past, not enough light to dispel the darkness. You are not fully here. You have not quite woken up yet. In the meantime, the conditioned mind is running your life.
Similarly, if you are one of the many people who have an issue with their parents, if you still harbor resentment about something they did or did not do, then you still believe that they had a choice – that they could have acted differently.
It always looks as if people had a choice, but that is an illusion. As long as your mind with its conditioned patterns runs your life, as long as you are your mind, what choice do you have?
You are not even there. (The pain-body is running the show.) The moment you realize this, there can be no more resentment.
How can you resent someone’s illness? The only appropriate response is compassion.
This helped me learn how to explain why the Destiny cards are so important.
When you know your unconscious patterns with the destiny cards, you can choose a different way to respond to things, if you wish. So, let’s say that you are the four of clubs, and you are unconsciously drawn to untrustworthy people, because your Venus card is the Jack of spades. If you know this tendency in yourself, you may be able to mitigate it.
When I look at a person who is a 6 of diamonds that I know, I know that person is choosing a certain relationship because of their need for money rather than a need for affection. But because of their pattern in the destiny cards, this choice makes perfect sense to them. And I have compassion for them, because to them love is not more important than money.
This destiny card system, as it shows us in all of our many patterns and disguises, allows us to understand why someone may act the way they do. It allows us to see how we are different from each other, and to have compassion with our awareness.
And it’s not about forgiveness. Au contraire.
Tolle writes, “Forgiveness is a term that has been in use for two thousand years but most people have a very limited view of what it means. You cannot truly forgive yourself or others as long as you derive your sense of self from the past.
Only through accessing the power of now, which is your own power, can there be true forgiveness. This renders the past powerless, and you realize deeply that nothing you ever did or what was ever done to you could touch even in the slightest the radiant essence of who you are. The whole concept of forgiveness then becomes unnecessary.”
When you truly start to understand the motivations of the people in your life through the destiny cards, it allows you to really see where they’re coming from, to speak to them in a language that they understand, and allow their value system to filter into your consciousness.
You don’t have to hold their value system as true, but it does help if you understand what it is, so that you can understand what drives them, what they like, what they don’t like, and what really drives them up the wall. And in this, you grow to understand your own values and motivations better.
So there is truly no need for forgiveness, when you see very clearly why someone would value something you do not, based on their design in the destiny card system.